Woohoo! Your long-awaited school holidays are finally here! :) I remember how I loved the school holidays back when I was a student! Especially those with no holiday homework to complete. Hehe :P So yes, I fully understand! I don't think it's easy being a student these days, with all the pressure to succeed as well as the sometimes-difficult people (classmates and even teachers) you'll have to handle every Monday to Friday. =(
I remember a time in my secondary school years when going to school was a pure mental and emotional torture coz I had a particular group of "friends" who were all boycotting me and were ignoring me and refusing to speak with me. They did that because they thought I was trying to steal the boyfriend of one of them! =.=" I blame it on my
kaypoh nature of wanting to help out the 2 lovebirds. Instead of being appreciated, I was boycotted, ignored for quite a long time after that. :( This happened in my Sec 4 year and I was very affected by it. Though I still went to school daily and at that time, my Walkman (yes...days when we had to put actual CDs into a portable player if we wanted music on the move) was my best friend since I didn't really have that many friends. :(
There were some other girls who were really nice though, but being 15/ 16, I guess we all did the best we could based on what we knew at that young age. It was a terrible time and my resentment towards these girls carried on even after I left secondary school. I knew some of the girls studied at a tertiary institution near my home and I passed by this particular institution everyday while commuting home, so I always prayed that I'll never have to meet them. But of course, the meeting had to happen and each time it did, I just coolly pretended I was asleep and ignored them even if I had to walk past them to alight from the bus.
If I had a chance to relive that experience of my life, would I confidently say I can respond differently? Honestly I don't think I can. At 15/ 16, I only knew that much and all I wanted was for some friends who would tell me I matter each day when I went to school by speaking with me. I don't think that's too much to ask for, is it? We all just want some friends who through their friendship tell us that we are significant and accepted.
Even at this age, this need for significance and acceptance is still important to me. Even at this age, when I feel rejected by someone else, it still hurts me (Yes like how I thought I heard someone whom I knew who was sitting behind me telling the person she was sitting with that she didn't want to sit with me :[).
I guess with age, I've learnt this - It's okay if someone doesn't like me/ accept me/ love me as much as I want him/ her to just as long as I matter to myself and that there's that one other person who likes me/ accepts me/ loves me. Usually when I feel the sense of rejection, God does send people to my life to remind me that I am important and that I matter. That usually cheers me up. :)
So please don't think this Ms Esther is
buey hiao bai with skin so thick she won't ever feel hurt/ rejected coz I'm only human like you. In the process, let's all try to be kinder to one another? ;)
Sunday, February 28, 2010Y
*sits in a corner*
Aiyah...ask me to blog so I guai guai blog lor...But hor I think I'm the only one here most often. *sulks* But then again, I come to this blog to listen to the music. Hehe! So ok lah, I don't feel so pathetic anymore. (>.<)
Ok let's talk about something more substantial than whatever I've just written. ;) So Friday we attended this Imagine Singapore session that challenges the participants to share their dreams. The session started with clips from "Wizard of Oz" where Dorothy met with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Lion. The organizer asked what each of these characters wanted and how they realised that at the end of the day, they already had those very qualities they were looking for within them. Just like us at times, we are actually more than we give ourselves credit for.
Very often, we are blinded to the special qualities we possess because we hear too much negative comments about ourselves, sometimes from others around us, sometimes from ourselves. Words like - Lame, Stupid, Retarded, Dumb, Lousy, Fat A$$, Useless, etc. may just be words we utter quite carelessly. (Sound very familiar hor...? ;P) Words have the power to positively impact us or to negatively affect us. I'm only human and I have had my share of being hurt by careless words, sometimes by the people closest to me.
It has taken me a long time to unlearn the negative impact of these words and to want to make sure that I don't hurt others by saying negative things. I'm not perfect and I will never be able to say that I don't ever say hurtful things to others anymore, but by God's grace, I hope that I'm more aware of what I say and if I should offend someone, He will help me to realise and give me the grace so I may apologise to the person.
What the trainer said about "Yes but" and "Yes and" is something I've only recently learnt during a course I attended in November 2008 and it was something that has impacted me even today. I'm glad that the youths have the chance to learn this very important lesson during their adolescent years. :)
Anyways, it's been a very fulfilling weekend for me. I hope it's been a good one for you as well. :)
2:50 AM 
Thursday, February 25, 2010Y
See ah...
Friday afternoon, I'm sitting and waiting for my lovely girls to get back/ get ready so we can go out.
See ah...
One lovely girl just sms to tell me that she overslept and passed the bus stop. =.=" One lovely girl came back but still not too happy coz she had to wait outside for the door to be opened.
One lovely girl should be on her way back from school right about now.
One lovely girl is out at Popular bookstore to buy something.
One lovely girl came back and walked past 2 of us at the door without saying hello.
My five lovely girls...
We had our first jog-exercise session yesterday and we all had fun sweating it out together. :) See ah, with exercise it's always like this: The first step out is always the hardest. We always have excuses for why we
don't want to go exercise. But once we manage to make that first step, the rest of the way is considerably easier. ;)
And given that I had a *ahem* challenging day prior to the exercise, I really looked forward to sweating it all out. And I did! :) Something I've learnt along the way - Exercise is a really good and natural way of helping me release my emotions and making me feel tonnes better afterward. :)
10:01 PM
MELMEL
