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Wednesday, May 19, 2010Y
Just to make sure my blog isn't rotting...:P

Hmm...life has been eventful of late. Done lots of self-reflection and learnt lots mroe things. Also learning more things about myself I didn't know before, and am quite amazed by what God has been revealing to me. :)

I'm reading this book currently and there's a line inside that really reasonated with me - Freedom comes from handling responsibility well; it is not a gift bequeathed by chronological age. Freedom and responsibility goes hand in hand. You are only able to handle as much freedom as you are willing to be responsible for.

Some things have been happening and it has really opened my eyes up to what's really important and strengthened my personal beliefs and convictions about certain issues. I can only pray that Love will reign in the hearts of the persons concerned... :(

Though I'm leaving the lovely place and people that prompted me to set up this blog for, this blog will still continue functioning. :) The efforts that went to setting it up is just too precious to be wasted! :)

Still to come: My personal love note to each one of you. Stay tuned! ;)

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010Y
Sinusitis

Been sick for a while already. Last week was feeling lethargic but still manageable by His grace and strength. By Monday, it was awful. My cheeks were hurting and I had to see a doctor eventually. Got a whole bunch of medicine and burnt a neat hole in the pocket. =/

Am back at work today but still not feeling in tip-top condition. May His grace be upon me for the day ahead!

I wonder if the girl whose mood has been Angry, Happy, Sad feels better today?
I wonder if the girl who's got a Math test today is well-prepared for it?
I wonder if the girl who's got 33/40 for her Chem test will be ready for her reading/ comprehe private tuition with me today?
;)

Here's something I've learnt about change:
In order for it to be a sustained change, it has to be intrinsically motivated, ie. it has nothing to do with the people around you nagging at you, scolding you, punishing you, threatening you if you don't do something about a certain situation in your life. Sure, those things may work for a while, but once you remove the people doing all of that, you will just go back to square 1 as if nothing happened. Is that sustained change? Not at all.

So what brings about sustained change? You need to be intrinsically motivated to make changes. Only when the motivation come from within you does the change continue. External merit and demerit system does help with the motivation in the beginning, but after that, it's all a matter of how you will continue to do what brings about change or not.

Ok...that's about all I can come up with. Sick = mentally compromised. =/

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Sunday, March 28, 2010Y
Weekends!

1. Jumping up and down to capture a photo in mid-air is tiring! Fuyoooh! (>.<)

2. Being out in the sun with the prettiest blue skies really does make me very happy too! :D

3. I love playing!! :D :D

It's therapeutic to be out in the sun and with the girls and children playing and laughing and running around. :) I heard the words "dog", "say kite", "hello" and "there" from the most adorable little boy. Thank God! :) In His time, he will speak! :) I think this is easily the highlight of my weekend. :)

On another note, I was quite down over the weekend and I thank God for His reminders of just how loved I am in spite of what happened. And I know God will continue to work out these issues in our lives coz He is in the business of restoring His beloved children.

No matter what, don't give up, ok? :)

*JUMPS UP AND DOWN* ANYONE READING MY BLOG OR NOT?! *\(>.<)/*

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010Y
I'm backkkkk! :D

After 2 days of "visitation" by a certain ailment, I'm back. :) I'm feeling so much better today. Thank God for the rest. :) Also managed to finish up 2 reports that have been on my To-Do list forever. So am mighty relieved by now! :)

Have more stuff to finish up so may God grant me the strength and efficiency to finish them up! :)

Can't wait to see the girls later after they come back from school. Hope they've been good these 2 days in my absence. :)

No long story today. ;)

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Monday, March 15, 2010Y
Monday - Day 1 of March school holidays

Woohoo! Your long-awaited school holidays are finally here! :) I remember how I loved the school holidays back when I was a student! Especially those with no holiday homework to complete. Hehe :P So yes, I fully understand! I don't think it's easy being a student these days, with all the pressure to succeed as well as the sometimes-difficult people (classmates and even teachers) you'll have to handle every Monday to Friday. =(

I remember a time in my secondary school years when going to school was a pure mental and emotional torture coz I had a particular group of "friends" who were all boycotting me and were ignoring me and refusing to speak with me. They did that because they thought I was trying to steal the boyfriend of one of them! =.=" I blame it on my kaypoh nature of wanting to help out the 2 lovebirds. Instead of being appreciated, I was boycotted, ignored for quite a long time after that. :( This happened in my Sec 4 year and I was very affected by it. Though I still went to school daily and at that time, my Walkman (yes...days when we had to put actual CDs into a portable player if we wanted music on the move) was my best friend since I didn't really have that many friends. :(

There were some other girls who were really nice though, but being 15/ 16, I guess we all did the best we could based on what we knew at that young age. It was a terrible time and my resentment towards these girls carried on even after I left secondary school. I knew some of the girls studied at a tertiary institution near my home and I passed by this particular institution everyday while commuting home, so I always prayed that I'll never have to meet them. But of course, the meeting had to happen and each time it did, I just coolly pretended I was asleep and ignored them even if I had to walk past them to alight from the bus.

If I had a chance to relive that experience of my life, would I confidently say I can respond differently? Honestly I don't think I can. At 15/ 16, I only knew that much and all I wanted was for some friends who would tell me I matter each day when I went to school by speaking with me. I don't think that's too much to ask for, is it? We all just want some friends who through their friendship tell us that we are significant and accepted.

Even at this age, this need for significance and acceptance is still important to me. Even at this age, when I feel rejected by someone else, it still hurts me (Yes like how I thought I heard someone whom I knew who was sitting behind me telling the person she was sitting with that she didn't want to sit with me :[).

I guess with age, I've learnt this - It's okay if someone doesn't like me/ accept me/ love me as much as I want him/ her to just as long as I matter to myself and that there's that one other person who likes me/ accepts me/ loves me. Usually when I feel the sense of rejection, God does send people to my life to remind me that I am important and that I matter. That usually cheers me up. :)

So please don't think this Ms Esther is buey hiao bai with skin so thick she won't ever feel hurt/ rejected coz I'm only human like you. In the process, let's all try to be kinder to one another? ;)

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Sunday, February 28, 2010Y
*sits in a corner*

Aiyah...ask me to blog so I guai guai blog lor...But hor I think I'm the only one here most often. *sulks* But then again, I come to this blog to listen to the music. Hehe! So ok lah, I don't feel so pathetic anymore. (>.<)

Ok let's talk about something more substantial than whatever I've just written. ;) So Friday we attended this Imagine Singapore session that challenges the participants to share their dreams. The session started with clips from "Wizard of Oz" where Dorothy met with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Lion. The organizer asked what each of these characters wanted and how they realised that at the end of the day, they already had those very qualities they were looking for within them. Just like us at times, we are actually more than we give ourselves credit for.

Very often, we are blinded to the special qualities we possess because we hear too much negative comments about ourselves, sometimes from others around us, sometimes from ourselves. Words like - Lame, Stupid, Retarded, Dumb, Lousy, Fat A$$, Useless, etc. may just be words we utter quite carelessly. (Sound very familiar hor...? ;P) Words have the power to positively impact us or to negatively affect us. I'm only human and I have had my share of being hurt by careless words, sometimes by the people closest to me.

It has taken me a long time to unlearn the negative impact of these words and to want to make sure that I don't hurt others by saying negative things. I'm not perfect and I will never be able to say that I don't ever say hurtful things to others anymore, but by God's grace, I hope that I'm more aware of what I say and if I should offend someone, He will help me to realise and give me the grace so I may apologise to the person.

What the trainer said about "Yes but" and "Yes and" is something I've only recently learnt during a course I attended in November 2008 and it was something that has impacted me even today. I'm glad that the youths have the chance to learn this very important lesson during their adolescent years. :)

Anyways, it's been a very fulfilling weekend for me. I hope it's been a good one for you as well. :)

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Thursday, February 25, 2010Y
See ah...

Friday afternoon, I'm sitting and waiting for my lovely girls to get back/ get ready so we can go out.

See ah...
One lovely girl just sms to tell me that she overslept and passed the bus stop. =.=" One lovely girl came back but still not too happy coz she had to wait outside for the door to be opened.
One lovely girl should be on her way back from school right about now.
One lovely girl is out at Popular bookstore to buy something.
One lovely girl came back and walked past 2 of us at the door without saying hello.

My five lovely girls...

We had our first jog-exercise session yesterday and we all had fun sweating it out together. :) See ah, with exercise it's always like this: The first step out is always the hardest. We always have excuses for why we don't want to go exercise. But once we manage to make that first step, the rest of the way is considerably easier. ;)

And given that I had a *ahem* challenging day prior to the exercise, I really looked forward to sweating it all out. And I did! :) Something I've learnt along the way - Exercise is a really good and natural way of helping me release my emotions and making me feel tonnes better afterward. :)

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